Take Everything I Have
by Can'tBreatheIfYourNotHere
Summary: She took the one thing that I thought would make her stay. She took everything I had to give, emotionally and physically, and it still just wasn't good enough. Breaking Dawn, AU. JacobxBella
1. What Do I Look Like?

**Let Me Love You - Mario**

**Over and Over - Nelly ft Tim McGraw**

* * *

**"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."**

* * *

**Chapter 1: What Do I Look Like?**

It didn't take the leaches long to disappear after she did. Within a week, the doctor quit his job, found a new one, sold his house, packed all their stuff, and left. Word was that they were headed to Europe. Seth found a note left in a bag so that it wouldn't get soaked in the torrential downpour that we'd been receiving lately; it was lying in the middle of the treaty line, right in the path we patrolled daily. It simply stated that they wouldn't be back - none of them. And that they were sorry for what they had done to our people. The damage was done though: sorry was no longer good enough.

I should have been happy about them leaving. Happy that Bella had called off the wedding. But I just couldn't find it in myself to be happy about anything. She took the one thing that I thought would make her stay. She took everything I had to give, emotionally and physically, and it still just wasn't good enough. She'd left again, told nobody where she was headed, only that she would be okay. I received a letter or two, just like Charlie. They said the same things, every damn time:

"_I'm okay. Love you. -Bells_"

No return address was given, and no more information. Her mother apparently hadn't heard from her, either, which worried me even more. How can this girl go almost two years without letting anybody know where the hell she was?

That's when I started to become bitter. I also started taking action; maybe subconciously telling myself that she would come back, and when she did, I needed to have everything ready. But it pissed me the hell off that she would just up and run away from me after I gave her every part of me. I thought we'd hit a breaking point, I thought she was going to choose me. Then she leaves in the middle of the night without a word to anybody - not even the leaches. It was subtle at first, but little by little, I felt myself become darker. I didn't smile or laugh as much. I wasn't able to be around the pack, for they were just too jovial. I didn't like seeing the imprints together, so I stopped coming around. I started taking my patrols in human form, usually with a bottle of whiskey clutched in my hand, but could never seem to get over the memory of her. She never left my head. Eventually, I stopped patrolling alltogether, opting to just lay around in my room and drink the pain away.

I don't know why I thought this would make anything better.

Then one day, I ended up attacking my dad. I was in a drunken rampage, his throat between my hands, his feet dangling from the floor. I don't remember what he said, or what it was even about, but after I realized what I was doing, I broke. I cried like a baby, and in the end, it was my dad consoling me like I was a toddler again.

I started getting my shit together, after that, for when she came back. I knew she'd come back one day, but I never thought it would take almost two years. Sam willingly gave me his position as alpha; he wanted more time with Emily and their kid. They'd just gotten married this last summer, and their second child was on the way. Paul and Rachel were living together, planning a wedding for this spring. Embry moved to my second in command, and he'd grown up in a lot of ways. He was still one of the only members of the pack that hadn't imprinted. In fact, since Paul, nobody has. Maybe it's over now. It's supposed to be rare, but honestly, I don't think it is.

Quil is still disgustingly infatuated with Claire, and she's turning into a gorgeous little girl, losing her chubby cheeks already. Both Quil and Embry work with me at my shop, buying old classic cars, and making them look better than brand new, then selling them for five times more than we bought them for. We mostly do custom stuff, people ordering what they want before we even have the car in stock. Seth, Colin, and Brady run the shop beside ours, which I also own, and they do regular maintenance and oil changes to local cars. It's the only good, reasonably priced garage around, so people constantly flock to it. I'll admit that I've done pretty good financially these past couple of years - much more so than anybody would have thought I would do. But I woudn't have been able to do it without Charlie.

Since I was only eighteen with no credit score when I started my shops, I had to have a cosigner on all of my loans. So, Charlie helped me out. He must have had a hell of a lot of trust in me because he would have been screwed if I hadn't of been able to turn over a profit. Now, he gets a regular income from the shops every month, kind of my way of thanking him for his trust. Sue has put the money to good use. His entire house has been updated, she even added a couple of bedrooms onto the back of their house so that Seth and Leah had a place to live if they ever felt the need to. Sue kept her house, though, and more often than not, that's where Leah and Seth stay. They don't care to stay with their mom and her new husband, not that they don't like Charlie, I know for a fact that they do; but the walls are thin, and they don't care to hear of their going-ons.

I updated my dad's house at first, planning on just staying there, but after a while, we decided to just tear it down, and start over. It was hard; there were a lot of very fond memories in that house. In the end, though, we decided that it was time to let go, and start over.

I built my dad his own house, a small two bedroom, that was completely accessible with his wheel chair. There was now nowhere in the house that my dad could not get to. I also made everything in the house his height. He could now reach the sink, cabinets, easily get into and out of the shower. Anything he needed was easily at his disposal, and though he never said it, he loved the independence.

Then was my house. I tried not to go overboard, but in the end, I may have done just that. I had one person in mind when I built the house, and one person only. I built my house for her.

The house had a very woodsy feel, almost blending into the backdrop of the woods that surrounded it. Cedar siding surrounded the outside of the house; stone accents made the color of the wood pop. The main entrance to the house was surrounded by stone columns that immediately brought your attention to the front of the house. Two attached garages adorned the house as well, with an extra garage in the back for my personal projects. After walking into the foyer, your instantly met with two wooden staircases made from cedar that look like trees, an antler chandelier hanging high from the ceiling. Then, the living room, with it's vaulted ceilings, the balcony that integrates my office with the living area on the second floor, and my seventy-two inch flat screen and surround system that all of us guys gather around to watch sunday night football games on.

Then comes the kitchen. Every inch of it was built with her in mind, much like my suite. The stove was encased in stone, huge island that could fit twenty different dishes on it, white detailed cabinets, covered with a black marble countertop. It was by far the largest room in the house, mostly because it needed to be big enough to house the entire pack at one time. My favorite part of the kitchen by far was the refrigerator. I'd splurged on a refrigerator that was custom made to blend in with my cabinets, and was basically the size of two or three refrigerators with double doors and a pull out drawer for the freezer.

The back of the house was all mine, and whoever may join me one of these days. My bedroom was overly large with a large california size king bed to fit all of me onto it, with rich furniture to compliment the architecture of the house. I had a sitting place in the corner of my room, divided by a two-way fireplace made from stone, and columns that lined each corner of the bedroom, peaking at the top of the ceiling. My bedroom wasn't that special, but my bathroom was every woman's dream, I had the pack's imprints tell me that constantly. A humongous two person bathtub sat in the corner. Twelve jets were placed around the tub, a firplace on one side, with wood already sitting in the corner, just waiting to be thrown into a fire. In order to get to the shower, you had to walk around either side of the tub and through one of two walkways. Then, you were met with six different shower heads, including a rainfall showerhead, and completely surrounded in stone with five waterproof speakers adorning the sides and top of the shower that would hook up to your phone or iPod instantly.

Alright. I splurged a lot. But that's okay, because I still have a little money in the bank and everything is paid for.

* * *

By now, you may be asking what the whole point of this story is.

For the first time in two years, the love of my life is standing in front of me. I don't know whether to be happy, upset, hurt, indifferent. How am I supposed to act? Like nothing has changed?

'Oh, hi, Bells! Great to see you! How's your mama and them?'

No. I don't know what to say. And it just makes it that much harder that she's holding a baby in her arms, looking scared as hell, but at what, I have no clue.

"Jacob." She breathes. It feels like a caress to my heart to hear her voice after so long, to know she's alive and okay. But I can't tear my eyes away from the blue bundle in her arms. It takes a minute for her to gain her courage, and when she finally does, my world is turned upside down right in front of my face.

"Jake, this is E.J." She bounces the baby on her hip as he lays his head on her shoulder, cuddling as far into her as he can. "Jake, this is our son."

* * *

**Okay, so first Jacob and Bella story, really not planning on going too awful far with it seeing as I just needed a creative break to get the juices flowing for one of my other stories. Hope everybody enjoyed it though, and pictures of just about everything I described can be seen on my profile in the links. If you would like more, let me know, because otherwise this will just be scrapped as a side project. I'm working on a lengthier, more detailed version of a Madge and Gale story called Unthinkable that you should check out, though it explores a lot of very dark themes. I like to play around with people's reactions to certain situations, as you may be able to tell already. So, let me know what you think and whether or not I should continue. Thanks(:**


	2. The Wizard of Oz?

**I'll Be - Edwin McCain**

**Photograph - Nickelback**

**I'm Still Alive - Saving Abel**

**18 Days - Saving Abel**

* * *

**"****Uncertainty is the only certainty there is,** and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security"

** – John Allen Paulos**

* * *

**Chapter Two: The Wizard of Oz?**

"Our son?" I don't realize that I've even said it out loud until she nods at me wearily. I have a son? How could I not have known? How could she have kept this from me? Why would she keep this from me?

Do I even believe her?

It fits the timeline.. At the time, we were each others' first's. Nine months down the road, she pops a baby out, and now here is this dark skinned baby with pitch black hair and her eyes. He's sitting up in her arms, looking at me curiously with his whole fist in his mouth. He's the spitting image of me, and I'm questioning whether or not he's MINE?

"Why, Bella?" She flinches at my harsh tone, but I know she knows what I'm asking and I don't feel bad at all for making her feel guilty.

"How about we talk later, when E.J. is at Charlie's?" She dodges my question. So, Charlie knows before me? That I'm a dad? How could that son of a bitch not tell me. My hands begin quivering, so I clench my fists to make it stop.

For the first time since she's been standing on my front door step, I really look at her. She's filled out some, finally has hips, and her breasts have grown. Her waist is still slim, and she's definitely not fat by any means. Her hair is even longer than before, and falls to her waist in soft curls. If it was straight, it might hit the back of her butt. Her skin glows in a way that I've only seen a couple of times, mostly on Emily or someone who has just had a baby.

Motherhood looks good on her, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't have an affect on me.

"Would you like to hold him?" She asks hesitantly.

What if he doesn't like me? What if I make him cry? I might drop him, what the heck is she thinking? But I nod my head in a yes motion anyway.

She steps closer to me, and I pray that she can't see the sweat starting to bead on my forehead. I feel clumsy taking the baby from her, and I hate it. I shouldn't feel awkward holding my own damn kid. My temper flares, but I quench it quickly. The baby looks up into my eyes, and I know there is no going back. How could I? I haven't had him in my arms for more than two seconds, but I already want to give him the world. I want to teach him how to ride a bike, throw a football, how to work on a car. I want to watch him grow up, go to prom, win a football game, graduate - from high school and college, meet the girl of his dreams, get married, and start a family.

And I want to be there for every second of it.

"You said his name was E.J.?" I ask without looking up from the baby that is still staring intently into my arms.

"Yes." She answers quietly.

"Please tell me you didn't name my kid after Edward." This time I look at her long enough for her to shake her head no.

"Ephraim Jacob." She replies. The baby giggles at the name, and I see his little white teeth, and I feel my heart melt. It's a comfortable pain that I've never experienced before, but I know what it is. It's a love so strong, it could never be broken.

"Good." I smile.

* * *

We agree that she should take E.J. to Charlie's for a little while, she'll pick us up something to eat from the diner, and come back here to talk about why she left. It takes her about an hour to accomplish this, so during that time, I go on a much needed run. It feels good to lose myself in the woods for a little while, not really thinking, just moving. Right, left, right, tree, fallen log, low branch, right, left, burn.

Unfortunately, though, I have to return to the house to talk about everything with Bella, and I'm not looking forward to it nearly as much as I thought that I would.

Once I get to my house, I go take a shower, every showerhead going, hoping to clear my thoughts just a little so that I will be able to ask actual questions and not just 'Why?'.

She knocks on the front door right when I thought she would. I scramble to answer, but when I do, I can't help feeling slightly awkward. Used to, I would run up and hug her, make her laugh, but I just can't do that anymore. I'm not that person anymore. Instead I take the food from her, and lead her to the kitchen.

"I love your house, Jake." She swoons. "How did you pay for all this?"

"You'd know if you'd been here." I bite out bitterly before I can stop myself.

She stays quiet for a little while after that. I get plates out of the cabinet's, and two bud-light's out of the fridge, then walk to the table.

"I can't drink, Jake." She says quietly.

I smirk. "They're not for you."

"Oh." Her face turns red as a tomato, and I can't help but think about how some things just don't change.

"There is coke, mountain dews and water in the fridge. Help yourself." I turn to get us some utensils from beside the sink, and she moves to the refridgerator to get herself a drink. I swear she swoons at the sight of the huge ice box.

After she's gotten herself a drink, we both move back to the kitchen table, and I can't help but smile when she sits down right across from me. For some reason, I thought she'd sit a little ways down the table.

"Why can't you drink?" I ask, as way of breaking our silence.

"Because I'm still pumping for E.J."

"Good enough excuse I suppose." She grins at me as she lifts a spoonful of potatoes to her mouth.

"How old is he?" I ask out of curiocity.

"He turned one on February tenth." A month ago.

"Why didn't you tell me, Bells?" I plead. I don't want lies. "You could have written it in a letter, I could have been there for you, I _would_ have been there for you, so why?"

"I wasn't ready to have a baby myself, Jake, and you were still in high school. I know you would have been there, I probably wouldn't have been able to keep you away, which is why I ran away instead of telling you."

"You ran because you were pregnant?" I ask indignantly.

"What else was I supposed to do, Jake?" She asks, getting defensive. I know I need to calm down before she gets angry and storms out, but I just can't help it. How can someone be so damn selfish? How can she think of how it would make me feel to not even know that I had a child.

I take a few calming breaths before speaking.

"We could have made a decision on what to do together." I say as calmly as possible. She looks down, toying with the remaining food on her plate.

"I couldn't ruin your life." She sniffles.

"You almost did that anyway." I scoff before thinking about how my words will affect her. Then I scoff again mentally for caring.

"You think you would have all this right now, Jake? You think you'd have been able to start two business', graduate high school, and build a new house if I would have stayed here and shared the responsibility of having E.J. with you?" She's starting to look exasperated. "We'd probably be living in your old red shack, or my dad's tiny house with eighteen other people. We couldn't have done it, Jake."

"That may be so, but it doesn't mean that you leave with my baby without even telling me." My blood boils at the picture her words paint. Would I be where I'm at today, had she stayed? Probably not. Sam hadn't been able to do it, and he'd already graduated from high school, so honestly, what the hell made me think that I could have done it at seventeen years old?

"It killed me, Jake." Her voice cracks. "And I knew immediately. Edward, everybody knew because of freaking Alice."

That peaks my curiosity. "What do you mean?"

She looks at me hesitantly.

"After I left here, after we, well, you know, I went to the Cullen's. I went to call the wedding off, to get some space from all the vampire mojo. I loved Edward like a drug I couldn't get enough of, but I loved you like an eagle loves the sky." She smiled slightly. "What's healthy about loving a drug? It's not nearly as healthy as something natural."

She pauses, possibly waiting for me to interject, but I remain quiet.

"Anyway, Edward met me at my car, I didn't even have time to get out, he just pushed me over to the passenger seat and started driving away from the house. I had no clue what was going on, he wouldn't speak to me. He drove us to Port Angeles, stopped at the closest drug store, and was in and out before I could remove my seat belt to go inside the store with him. He handed me a pill and a bottle of water and said 'Take it. It's for your own good, Bella, take it.'" She pauses and my heart catches in my throat. My stomach clenches and I feel as though I may vomit. He was going to have her abort my baby? My perfect baby boy?

"'What is it?' I asked. He wouldn't answer. I refused to take it until he told me what the hell it was. Finally he just started yelling, and I was surprised that he was actually yelling, I almost missed what he was saying. Plan B. The morning after pill. I was enraged, demanded that he took me home, immediately. He did as I asked, but kept the pill on him. I guess he thought I would change my mind." She shook her head, almost amused. "Alice cornered me in my room that night. She'd glamoured Charlie into letting her come upstairs. He never could resist her charm." I shutter at how ingrained her everyday life with the bloodsuckers' was.

"'You're pregnant, you know.' She told me. I looked at her with what has to be the most shocked expression in the world. She continued, 'that's why Edward took you to get the pill. I told him you would never take it. Told him you would never be a vampire. Hell, for a while there, I couldn't even see you anymore, Bella. You've made your decision, and I don't blame you for the choice you've made. You will always be my sister, and I love you no less for your decisions. But, please, let Edward know the truth. Tell him yourself, so that he can move on."

"She gave me a hug and left. I haven't heard or seen from her since."

"That just gave me too much time to think. I thought about my options all night long, never sleeping or batting an eyelash. Abortion was out of the question. I couldn't risk adoption, not with your genes." She looks at me to see my expression, but I stay stoic. "Not that I could have given him up. I loved him instantly. I couldn't burden you with a baby, it wasn't fair to you, and I knew you would never believe that it's what I wanted. Heck, I couldn't believe it's what I wanted."

"Why did you want it all of a sudden, Bella?" I ask wearily.

She waits several moments, trying to put her thoughts into words. "After finding out - that I was pregnant - I realized that I wanted that baby, your baby, more than anything I'd ever wanted before. I wanted my baby more than I wanted air to breathe, and I wanted to stay with you in your tiny house, and make ten more babies, and I wouldn't have minded one bit staying bare-foot and pregnant in the kitchen with you. But you had so much going for you, you still do. It's still not my place to come in here and wreck everything like I am."

"You're not wrecking anything." I interrupt.

"Anyways, back to my story." She takes a drink of her water. "I waited two months, then took a test, just to make sure, not that I really doubted Alice, but anything can happen. All three came back positive. I already had all my clothes packed, so I stuffed the tests in my bag, and I left."

"So, you knew that you were pregnant every time we hung out in the garage, at Emily's, on the beach afterwards? And you never even thought to tell me?" I ask, exasperated.

"I wanted to tell you more than anything in the world. Especially every time somebody threw me over their shoulder, but I just couldn't ruin your life like that, Jacob."

"Bells, I might not have been able to be in the position that I am today, but some day, I would have gotten here."

"I don't doubt that for a second, Jake, I don't." She looks me in the eyes, and I can't look away. "Rosalie caught up to me in Seattle. She didn't say a single word, just handed me a bag, gave me the first smile I'd ever gotten from her, and left. It was money in the bag, mostly, along with a fake I.D., the title to my car, and the names and numbers of a few financial analysts that they used all over the world. And a note from Edward."

"What'd it say?"

She smiled a ghostly smile.

"Be happy."

* * *

**Didn't get a whole lot of feedback, but my creative juices have been flowing here lately. I hope everybody enjoyed the second chapter to this story. Let me know what I can make better, please.**


End file.
